so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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