It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
