Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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