I'm lost and stupid without you.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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