I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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