A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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