Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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