Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
