I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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