Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
