Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
