So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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