OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
