I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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