But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she pinky promised me she was 18
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize