Having a random hookup so left but love u
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
