He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
