Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize