and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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