there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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