God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I FOUND THE LEGS
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
