I wish my penis had an off switch
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
