there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize