Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize