i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
