I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
