And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
