I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
This is my gift to your gina
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize