stop calling my apartment porn island.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
