my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
