hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize