I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
