i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
