Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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