Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
