I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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