I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize