My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
