I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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