Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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