can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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