I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
