You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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