Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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