Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
