You just made me feel so damn special
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
