In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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