There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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