When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
