when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
