Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Randomize
