im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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