I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
