i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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