i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
