At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize