i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
