so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
