Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
