she told me i tasted like america
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
