dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
