I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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