On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
