Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
