I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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