Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
