just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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