THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
