I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
