Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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