literally had 100 drinks last night.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I feel like a drive thru vagina
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