sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
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