Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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