If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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