I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
